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How to Get a Medical Marijuana Card

The glorious medical marijuana card…For those that don’t have one, getting one seems like a really big step.

For those of us that have a medical card, we simply couldn’t imagine life without it. I get asked at least once a day how I got my medical card, and so I figured I would post the answer on TheWeedBlog.Com for the masses. Keep in mind; this process is for the State of Oregon. I will explain at the end how it applies to the other 13 medical states in the US. In no way am I recommending that a person fake a condition, I am simply telling people how I got MY medical card. However, most people have at least SOME kind of pain, and SOME is all you need!

Day 1 — I went into my personal doctor and said, “My wrists and hands hurt from overuse. I don’t know if it’s carpal tunnel syndrome, or arthritis, or if I’m just a hypochondriac, but I really do have pain in my hands and wrists. I type a lot, write a lot, text message a TON, and generally do a lot of activities with my hands.” I could tell that my doctor was suspicious that I wanted painkillers, so I told him, “I DO NOT want painkillers. Are there natural ways, such as stretches, that I can do to alleviate my pain?” My doctor told me to take an over the counter painkiller and come back in 30 days if the symptoms didn’t subside. Considering the pain had been with me for a couple years at that point, I was certain that I would be back. Especially since I refuse to take painkillers of any kind that are not natural remedies.

Day 31 — I went back to my doctor to inform him that I still had the pain in my hands and wrists, and that I didn’t take the over the counter painkillers for the reasons I stated previously. I asked him once again, “Are there any natural things I can do to relieve my pain, such as stretches or changes in my daily activities?” My doctor gave me a couple of wrist braces that I was supposed to wear when I experienced the pain. I pointed out that I have this pain, at least mildly, at all times. He instructed me to wear the braces constantly. This was incredibly unrealistic, as I couldn’t even safely wear them when I was driving. At this point I had two options; go to expensive physical therapy and wear braces all day, or I could go to another doctor that would prescribe me a medical marijuana card.

***In order to get a medical marijuana card, you DO NOT have to get your doctor to prescribe it. What I just did in my two visits to MY OWN DOCTOR was establish a ‘chronic pain,’ which is defined in Oregon as ‘two visits for the same pain in the last 12 month period of time.’ Check with your state to see what their definition of ‘chronic pain’ is, but in all of my research it has always been 2 visits in a 12 month period of time. You don’t have to use ‘chronic pain,’ you can use any ailment that is approved by your state. But once again, every state I have researched has chronic pain as an approvable condition, and back spasms, a ‘bad back,’ gimp leg, bum arm, wrist pain, frequent headaches, etc, are all ‘chronic pains’ as long as you go in 2 times in a 12 month span of time. I know people that have it for gout, epilepsy, spasms, and a number of other ‘non-terminal ailments.’ Of course, if your state only approves terminal conditions such as cancer or AIDS, you are SOL, or if you live in a state that does not have a medical marijuana program you are SOL***

Once I had two visits on my record, I had my medical records faxed from MY DOCTOR’S OFFICE to the MEDICAL MARIJUANA CLINIC where a doctor would sign my forms. Most clinics do not take new patients; they only take patients with ‘established conditions.’ Go to YOUR doctor and ‘establish it,’ much like I did on day 1 and 31. Then fax your records to the nearest medical marijuana clinic (note — not all medical clinics are the same, research and find one that has a good reputation). After that fax gets to the clinic, and you come in with the proper fees, CONGRATULATIONS. The only thing left to do is to get the paperwork to the appropriate state government agency (in Oregon it is DHS, for instance). You are now in the medical marijuana club, medicate yourself responsibly!!!! This can be done in CA, CO, MI, MT, etc. The only trick is finding a doctor/clinic that will sign your forms once you have ‘established’ your condition.

Of course, if you could get your regular doctor to sign the damn forms, you can side step this entire process. Maybe someday medical doctors will do what’s best for their patients, instead of letting social norms and personal political views dictate how they treat their patients…

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