Who Has a Better Plan for the Comey Hearing: Trump or These Bars?

Well, rejoice, you have a voice
If you’re concerned about the destination
Of this great nation
It’s called the American Honky-Tonk Bar Association
— Garth Brooks

A man walks into a bar to watch James Comey testify before the Senate Intelligence Committee.

No, this isn’t a story from The Onion. If you feel the urge to drink while watching the former FBI director give testimony regarding the Russia investigation on Capitol Hill Thursday morning, you’re in luck. Bars in cities ranging from Washington D.C. to Houston to San Francisco will be open early for the hearing, which is scheduled to start at 10 a.m. EST.

Business Insider reports on a number of bars planning such festivities in anticipation of the Comey testimony, including the following:

“Come on… you know you want to watch the drama unfold this Thursday,” Shaw’s Tavern, which will be serving $5 Stoli vodka and “FBI” sandwiches, wrote on Facebook. “Grab your friends, grab a drink and let’s COVFEFE!”

Precisely why people would want to drink as this particular “drama” unfolds is never explicitly stated, though multiple bars are throwing shade and will be offering deals on vodka. (No word on whether Hillary Clinton’s overfoamed beers are on the menu.)

If you’re looking for a good justification to drink on a Thursday morning, I offer President Trump’s planned response the hearing: live tweets. The Hill reports the following:

Two senior White House officials told the newspaper that Trump is planning on responding to Comey’s comments via Twitter, and Trump’s official schedule is clear before his first event at 12:30 p.m.

Whether you wish to drown your sorrows like you might have when stock dipped after some of his tweets, or to toast when he upsets liberals on Twitter, if you have a drinking game planned for his neologisms or simply need to facepalm in the liquid sense in response to his capitalization, if you’d like to sip a Moscow Mule while tuning into the hearings along with Moscow, there’s an excuse for you.

I know Trump’s mishandling of the POTUS Twitter handle would drive me to drinking if I were the White House communications director.

Speaking of Sean Spicer, he says (bless his heart) the president will be focused on other issues, but Newt Gingrich has said that Trump is “infuriated at a deep-gut, personal level” over the media’s coverage of the ongoing Russian investigation story. In Gingrich’s words, Trump is “not going to let some guy like that smear him without punching him as hard as he can.” Roger Stone reiterated that this has been Trump’s sentiment. It’s hard to envision him not responding to the hearing via Twitter.

Regardless, the covfefe will be flying and so will the cocktails. If the neighborhood bar is participating, you have an outlet, a distraction, or a companion, whichever you need.

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