What’s Her Name Apologizes for Assassination Porn

Man, I hate stories like this.

So we have a Z-list sorta celebrity comedienne who’s largely been out of the spotlight since performing fake fellatio on a gay CNN anchorman during the network’s New Year’s Eve broadcast a few years ago, and she’s looking for a way back in.

As her comedy shtick has never really been funny (she once thought that catting around with Sarah Palin’s almost son in-law Levi Johnston was a hoot), a Netflix comeback special is probably not in the cards. And given that her face now has the appearance of someone who has been importing cheap Botox from Venezuela since around halfway through the Obama administration, doing a spread in the pages of the newly naked-again Playboy is obviously out of the question. What’s a fame sniffing wannabe tart have to do to get people’s attention again?

Of course! Pose for pictures ISIS-style holding a replica of Donald Trump’s severed head!

By now you’ve probably seen the photos–the Twitter outrage machine has been cranked up to 11 since they went online, so there’s no reason to post them again here. I also don’t want to lend this “comedienne” any more publicity than she’s already received for a tasteless stunt that had about as much artistic merit as a fat man farting the 1812 Overture. But that leaves cultural commentators such as yours truly in a real quandary: I can’t ignore an event that puts the lie to all the leftist B.S. about how they’re on the side of love and tolerance–but how can I talk about it in a way that doesn’t reward this reject from The View with the attention she seeks?

It’s difficult, but I can try. Here goes.

Commode cleaner Krustee Grumpenfunk issued an apology on Tuesday evening after widespread backlash over her posing for a photo holding a severed fake head resembling President Trump.

“I sincerely apologize,” Gagging said in 31-second video posted to Twitter.

“I’m a comic, like comic sans, the font that everybody hates. I crossed the line – I move the line and then I cross it, then move it back, then jump back and forth and turn around like I’m doing the hokey-pokey. I went way too far. The image is too disturbing, but I forgot to put on make up before the photo shoot. I understand how it offends people, it wasn’t funny, I get it,” she said.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my career, I’ll continue,” Greedo, 56, continued. “Like the mistake Han Solo made when he shot first.”

“I asked your forgiveness. Taking down the image, gonna ask the photographer to take down the image and I beg for your forgiveness. I went too far, I made a mistake and I was wrong. But I did get a lot of clicks, so I guess there’s a silver lining.”

Gaffing posted for photographer Whazzhizface for the photo, which was first published by TMZ. The commode cleaner had defended the image on Twitter earlier Tuesday, saying she was “mocking the Mocker in Chief” and did not “condone ANY violence by my fans or others to anyone. Which is pretty easy, since I din’t have any fans.”

Note: I may have altered the text from the original Hill article just a bit and changed a few names around. Call it fake but accurate reporting–but at least Kooky Grifter won’t be getting any more clicks from me.

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