Warning: Women At Work!

And apparently, they're not playing nice with each other.

Women treating other women badly in the workplace has been a problem for decades. It's so prevalent in fact that it even has a name: "Queen Bee Syndrome." Or, you can put it in "Highlander" terms: There can be only one. And as with any other problem involving women, this is really the fault of MEN! Because, back in the bad old days, there was probably only going to be ONE woman manager, executive, VP, etc. in any given organization. So, if you were a woman who sought out promotion, it was in your best interest to eliminate all the competition. That meant making life a living hell for any female unfortunate enough to work with you (or even worse, FOR YOU.) Just ask a woman about the worst boss she ever had and odds are, it was another woman.

So, you would think that having more women in the workplace and more opportunities for them to advance, things would be improving. Instead, they're getting worse. A new survey from The University of Arizona, "we found consistent evidence that women reported higher levels of incivility from other women than their male counterparts. In other words, women are ruder to each other than they are to men, or than men are to women." (https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-03/uoa-iaw030118.php)

I can only offer ancecdotal evidence that this is true. I once witnessed a female employee march into the manager's office and scream at him that she wasn't going to do what he asked her to. In the same office, two women literally got into a physical altercation that one of the male managers had to break up. None of these women were fired for this behavior.

The study only charts the phenomenon. It offers no diagnosis of the cause or how to prevent it. Perhaps it's all part of the trend among women Millennials and Generation X members having general dissatisfaction with their lives. Women face all the same pressures of the economic instability, fractured families and social upheaval that men do. Combine that with the increased pressure for women to succeed at work AND at home, the dual burdens of caring for children and aging parents simultaneously, and the sexual pressure to perform like porn stars even for their husbands, and it's no wonder women are being ruder. Perhaps we're taking it out on each other because we feel powerless to confront the forces that are actually causing our stress. Maybe we know that other women are more likely to tolerate our rudeness than men would be. Maybe the increase of women over 50 facing down perimenopause without the benefit of hormone therapy is a contributing factor.

Or, it could be all Trump's fault.

Comments
No. 1-9
Alex Wilson
Alex Wilson

I think there's a difference between a request and a demand, and I don't see anything wrong with making a request based on preference as long as it's just a request, rather than a demand or a threat of leaving if their spouse doesn't comply. While that preference can (and often does) come from viewing porn, again, I'll ask why is it prevalent in porn? I would say there are two reasons. One has to do with making it easier to get clear shots of those areas, but it's also because that's what a lot of men already prefer--the people producing porn will make more of what is the most popular, so if less pubic hair is what is most viewed, that's what they'll make more of (contrary to popular belief, there's plenty of porn out there where the women aren't hairless btw). This can include the more obvious aesthetic reasons of liking a clean look, wanting to see more detail, and simply finding it to be novel, but there are also other reasons that a husband (or wife) might prefer less or no hair in that area on their spouse. These reasons have nothing to do with it being visually appealing and include liking the feel of smooth skin better and not wanting hair to get in their mouths during oral sex. Also outside of a request from a spouse, many people prefer the feeling of having less or no hair because it feels more hygienic to them, feels better in their daily life, or feels better during sexual activity.

On waxing, most of the surveys I've seen indicate that most people who groom that area do so at home using either a disposable razor, electric trimmer/razor, scissors, or chemicals (Nair, Veet, etc). The surveys by the sites linked below both found that only about 10-12% of their female readers chose the more embarrassing methods of hair removal that normally require a professional like waxing or laser removal

Also another site addressed husbands getting the idea from pron/movies/past relationships/his buddies this way:

"Regardless of where the idea came from, it’s you whose vulva he wants to see with a different hairstyle. He’s curious. He wants to know what the big deal is. And he wants that with you. (If he got the idea from porn, then his porn use needs to be addressed—but that in itself doesn’t make this request wrong or sinful.)"
https://forgivenwife.com/southern-grooming/

Merrie_Soltis
Merrie_Soltis

Editor

And trust me, nothing is more embarrassing and painful than a bikini wax! No wonder women are so bitchy.

Merrie_Soltis
Merrie_Soltis

Editor

Alex Wilson
Alex Wilson said (edited): "and the sexual pressure to perform like porn stars even for their husbands" I know this was a minor part of the article, but I wanted to take a minute to unpack it because I think there are a couple of issues at play here that I think I can address as someone who has come out of a porn habit/addiction. First porn is scripted/acted in a way specifically designed to be appealing to men, so I would argue that men aren't wanting their wives to be like porn, but rather porn is portraying what many men already want from their wives though often in a more overt/exaggerated manner. I would also argue that what men see as desirable in porn isn't so much specific sexual acts, body types, etc. but rather an enthusiastic attitude about sex. If there is any hesitation from women about sex in porn, it almost always disappears pretty quickly and is replaced by eagerness and excitement. This combined with the relative ease of access makes it very appealing. Second most men don't want a performance from their wives, rather they want them to have a genuine desire and enthusiasm for physical intimacy. In Shaunti Feldhahn's book "For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men" she reports the results of a survey she commissioned for her book which found that 77% of men believed that having a wife who is an interested and motivated sexual partner would have a positive effect on their emotional state--a greater sense of well being and satisfaction with life and 74% saying that getting all the sex they wanted from their wife wouldn't be satisfying if she did so reluctantly or just to accommodate them. The data she gathered established that men don't just want sex from their wives, but rather for their wives to desire them sexually. At one point she says that, "As much as men want sex, most of them would rather go out and clip the hedges in the freezing rain than make love with a wife who appears to be responding out of duty." Her husband further elaborated that "The guy isn't going to be rejected by the hedges and that's the issue. If she's just responding because she has to, he's being rejected by his wife."

I included this for a reason. One of the advice columnists noted that women were writing to her in puzzlement because their husbands were requesting that the go "full Brazilian" and they couldn't figure out WHY? She blamed it on porn. So, not only does the modern woman have to keep her outward physical appearance pleasing, she now has to worry about going through and expensive and painful procedure "down there" to satisfy a husband who sees that on his porn videos and expects his wife to comply.

Alex Wilson
Alex Wilson

"and the sexual pressure to perform like porn stars even for their husbands"

I know this was a minor part of the article, but I wanted to take a minute to unpack it because I think there are a couple of issues at play here that I think I can address as someone who has come out of a porn habit/addiction.

First porn is scripted/acted in a way specifically designed to be appealing to men, so I would argue that men aren't wanting their wives to be like porn, but rather porn is portraying what many men already want from their wives though often in a more overt/exaggerated manner. I would also argue that what men see as desirable in porn isn't so much specific sexual acts, body types, etc. but rather an enthusiastic attitude about sex. If there is any hesitation from women about sex in porn, it almost always disappears pretty quickly and is replaced by eagerness and excitement. This combined with the relative ease of access makes it very appealing.

Second most men don't want a performance from their wives, rather they want them to have a genuine desire and enthusiasm for physical intimacy. In Shaunti Feldhahn's book "For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men" she reports the results of a survey she commissioned for her book which found that 77% of men believed that having a wife who is an interested and motivated sexual partner would have a positive effect on their emotional state--a greater sense of well being and satisfaction with life and 74% saying that getting all the sex they wanted from their wife wouldn't be satisfying if she did so reluctantly or just to accommodate them. The data she gathered established that men don't just want sex from their wives, but rather for their wives to desire them sexually. At one point she says that, "As much as men want sex, most of them would rather go out and clip the hedges in the freezing rain than make love with a wife who appears to be responding out of duty." Her husband further elaborated that "The guy isn't going to be rejected by the hedges and that's the issue. If she's just responding because she has to, he's being rejected by his wife."

JohnGaltTexas
JohnGaltTexas

One of the top 3 best and one of the all-time, hands down, no-sh*t worst bosses I ever had was female. And yes, they beat the snot out of each other for no real apparent reason other than existing in close proximity.