Even if you’ve never seen a Friday the 13th movie, you probably know all about Jason Voorhees. His machete and hockey mask have been cinematic icons for decades—as is his penchant for enforcing strict chastity codes on the randy young counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, who for some reason keep trying to re-open the place even though the body count should have long ago prompted OSHA to burn it all to the ground.
But did you know that Jason has a backstory? It’s a pretty sad one, really. A shy, awkward momma’s boy with really bad teeth and a weirdly-shaped melon, Jason got teased mercilessly by his fellow campers. In fact, they punked him so bad that he almost ended up drowning in Crystal Lake, an incident that really set off his mom, who ended up blowing off steam—not to mention about a dozen counselors—with whatever tools happened to be handy. Of course, that episode didn’t exactly end well for Mrs. Voorhees, who got the chop from her own machete while Jason watched. All that trauma really messed him up, and as a result Jason became the unstoppable serial slasher we all know today.
But can we really blame Jason for his actions when none of it was his fault?
Hawaii congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard would apparently say no, if her recent statement regarding North Korea provides a clue. You see, the reason North Korea has aggressively pursued nuclear weapons is not because it’s a rogue state headed by a megalomaniacal tyrant who inflicts unimaginable suffering on his own people so that he can pursue his dreams of power, all while exporting weapons technology to other terrorist states and fomenting instability across the world. Rather, it’s all because North Korea has been abused by United States foreign policy:
“Our country's history of regime change has led to countries like North Korea to develop these weapons," Gabbard told ABC's This Week. “North Korea sees what we have done in countries like Iraq."
Gabbard said "decades" of U.S. policies by Republicans and Democrats were to blame for this situation.
So, like Jason, Kim Jong-un is the real victim here.
Outrageous as this is, you have to give Gabbard props for doling out blame for the situation to both Republican and Democrat administrations. On that point, at least, she is actually correct. From Bill Clinton giving Kim Jong-il light water reactors and food aid in exchange for promises to behave himself to George W. Bush agreeing to farcical multilateral talks that lent the regime a legitimacy it did not deserve to Barack Obama ignoring North Korea’s nuclear provocations in the hopes they would just go away, almost everyone had a part in making the crap sandwich we all have take a bite out of today. But for Gabbard to put the responsibility for this mess squarely on the shoulders of U.S. foreign policy is to absolve the Kim regime—one of the most brutal the world has ever known—of its monstrous evil.
The reason that regime change has been the official U.S. Policy on North Korea is because the entire country is a gulag. The Kim regime starves its people to death while spending billions to acquire weapons for the sole purpose of protecting its own grip on power. Moreover, North Korea also exports that weapons technology to other enemies of the United States, including terrorists who would happily unleash WMD on a major city and kill millions if they could. This is not the behavior of a nation that just wants to be left alone. This is the behavior of a nation that needs to be confronted. That we haven’t adequately done so is why they have nuclear weapons in the first place.
Strange that Gabbard didn’t take that into consideration before making excuses for Kim Jong-un. Then again, maybe she just has a soft spot for dictators. At any rate, it would probably be loads of fun to go catch a Friday the 13th flick with her sometime, if only to see her rooting for Jason. Maybe they’ll even set the next one in Hawaii as a way of saying thanks to his biggest fan.