Some women who want to put their career first but are tired of others asking them why they are still single are engaging in a totally self-serving act – marrying themselves. It’s called sologamy, and it’s a new trend that’s both laughable and sad.
Take Erika Anderson, for example. Last year, the professional from Brooklyn (surprise, surprise) married herself in a ceremony that resembled a real marriage ceremony:
“I would describe it as women saying yes to themselves,” Anderson said. “It means that we are enough, even if we are not partnered with someone else.”
In many ways, the 37-year-old bride looked like any other on her wedding day. She wore a white dress and had a bouquet. Anderson looked stunning with the Brooklyn bridge and New York City skyline behind her.
Except when she walked down the aisle, no one was waiting for her. That’s just the way she wanted it.
Anderson sees it as “celebrating independence” and saying, “You’re worth it!” She also apparently took the sologamy plunge as a great big “shut up” to the family and friends who kept asking her why she was still single. By the way, she’s still dating and open to a traditional marriage. Does that mean she’s cheating on herself?
Sologamy has become a bit of a cottage industry, with websites springing up selling self-marriage kits (complete with rings and self-affirmation cards) and offering consultation and photography services. Hooray for capitalism, I suppose, but I want to retch at the notion of “micro-moments of positivity [that] add up, creating an upward spiral.”
Maybe it’s because, even though I’m single, I find fulfillment among my family and friends, my ministry team, my job, and – most importantly – through Jesus, but I can’t help but see the concept of sologamy as representative of utter selfishness. I haven’t found the right woman yet, but I don’t need a ring or an attention-drawing ceremony or self-affirmation cards to know my purpose or worth in this world. Through Jesus and healthy relationships with others I’ve learned to be content no matter what stage of life God has me in.
There’s obviously something missing in the life of somebody who sees a totally symbolic ceremony that serves primarily to garner attention as the answer to life’s problems. There are so many ways to feel your worth in this world. Join a church or synagogue. Get involved with a non-profit. Serve people in need. Invite friends over for dinner. Focusing on others draws attention away from the self and creates a healthier outlook on life. Marrying yourself just telegraphs your unhealthiness to the world.