The most interesting event in modern political history happened on Wednesday and it had nothing to do with the Supreme Court or a New York Times op-ed piece.
It happened when Laura Loomer stoop up to protest during Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey’s testimony before the House Committee on Energy and Commerce.
But this wasn’t like the 7 million other protests we now see on a daily basis. It ended much more beautifully and it deserves a closer look.
:25 - I love the look on Loomer’s face here. All protestors get this look when they are allowed to speak longer than they expected. I call it the Wait, I’m Still Here Look. It always happens immediately after the protestor makes her initial point and immediately before things really start to go south.
:33 - This is when Representative Billy Long starts with his auction routine. If you’re not familiar with auctions, move to the south. We have them all the time. I went to one in the great city of Lavonia, Georgia once where people were trying to outbid one another over paintings of Elvis and Dale Earnhardt commemorative plates. I was at one that skewed much more toward the higher end of the economic scale where people were bidding on hunting trips to Argentina. I’ve never won anything at an auction. I don’t think I’ve ever even placed a bid at an auction. But somehow, just by showing up to an auction, you win. Wednesday’s congressional hearing was no different.
:43 - Check out the dude on the end of the front row. He wants to laugh when the auction starts but he’s not sure if he should. He kind of has that look on his face that you get when the lady who likes clowns a little too much gets up in church in full clown costume to announce next Sunday’s clown parade. It’s a look of 25% shock, 25% embarrassment, 25% how did I end up here, and 25% I think I’m about to wet my pants.
:45 - The guy right behind him is the exact opposite. He’s 100% having the greatest day of his life. Years from now, he’ll be telling his grandkids about this one.
:45 - And then there’s the woman at the bottom of the screen on her laptop. She doesn’t seem to have noticed anything. Aliens could have flown into the room and kidnapped Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey himself and this lady probably would still be working on her computer.
:53 - I call this the So This Is How It All Ends Look.
1:00 - This is my favorite part of the entire event. Look at the woman right next to the CSPAN logo. I don’t know her. Maybe you do. It doesn’t matter. But she has a look on her face like her parents are splitting up and one day in divorce court her mom stands up and starts yelling and her dad starts pretending like he’s running an auction. If you think about it today, say a prayer for this young lady.
1:17 - I was wrong about the lady on the laptop. When Billy Long ends his bit with the perfect line, “I yield back,” the woman actually smiles. See, millennials aren’t so bad.
1:29 - Mr. Walden, the chairman, has that look on his face that your 4th grade teacher used to get when a kid in class told a funny joke and made everyone, even the teacher, laugh uncontrollably but then the teacher has to get serious again and says something like, “Class, class. Okay, calm down. It’s time to get back to business.” You know that look, right?
1:29 - The man behind the chairman looks sort of like Colonel Bruce Hampton of the Aquarium Rescue Unit and Sling Blade fame. The only thing that would have made this even better would be if he grabbed the microphone and said, “Dot, dot, dot. Parting the waters of the medulla oblongata.”
In any event, congress needs more days like the one we had on Wednesday.
Representative Long, you are a fine American. For you did more than simply silence a protestor.
Just for a brief moment, you turned Washington D.C. into that tiny building in Lavonia, Georgia where I was first introduced to the auction life.
I thank you.
America thanks you.