Have you ever heard that 60 is the new 40 or some similar saying? Well, one man in The Netherlands has gone to court to make that a reality.
69-Year old Emile Ratelband has petitioned the court in his hometown of Arnheim to change his birth certificate and shave 20 years off his age.
No, I didn't get punked by The Onion. This is an actually news story.
Ratelband claims that he FEELS LIKE he's in his 40's and since gender is fluid and can be altered on birth certificates, then why not age? Honestly, it's hard to argue with that logic. "Transgenders can now have their gender changed on their birth certificate, and in the same spirit there should be room for an age change."
Well, why not?
Of course, some people are going to complain that this s is an insult to transgender people, who face real discrimination in our society. This doesn't bother Ratelband. After all, old people also face terrible discrimination in our society. "When I'm 69, I am limited. If I'm 49, then I can buy a new house, drive a different car. I can take up more work. When I'm on Tinder and it say I'm 69, I don't get an answer. When I'm 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position."
Old age is a terrible thing. Everything starts to hurt. You can't eat the foods you used to without having acid reflux. You have to wear bifocals. You start to forget things. You gain weight. If we can undo all of that by changing the date on our birth certificates, then shouldn't we do it?
I for one, hope Mr. Ratelband succeeds with his lawsuit. If he does, I plan to move to Amsterdam and petition their courts to change my age to 29 and my weight to 115 pounds. I then plan to pursue the career I was destined to have: super model. Maybe I can get the government to force an NFL Quarterback to marry me.
The judges laughed at first, but have promised to review the case and announce a verdict in the next few weeks. Depending on the outcome, there may be an influx of aged refugees fleeing to Holland.