I Used to Hate Halloween, But I’ve Changed My Mind…And Don’t Wear Fedoras

In the past, I’ve said some really bad things about Halloween. I called it “a celebration of fear, secrecy, darkness, death, and mayhem.” I’ve written that it ruins children.

I dealt with its dark origins, druidic gatherings, the evils of candy, and the fact that Halloween is the top beer sales and pizza delivery day of the year (really, it is).

But now I realize I’ve had it all wrong.

See, Halloween is only an evil holiday if little boys and girls dress up as characters of different races or cultures. It’s evil to culturally appropriate Moana’s Pacific islander heritage (even though Motunuiis not a real place and Disney appropriated all kinds of islander lore in making Moana), or to dress as a Mexican, or anything but your own race and heritage.

I’m surprised that vampires and zombies haven’t risen up to claim their own unique cultural heritage, and put a stop to all the kids wearing fake teeth and capes.

The biggest argument folks had against me when I spoke against Halloween is that I’m a prude who hates fun. Why don’t we let our kids have a little fun, dress up, and enjoy a night of candy?

I won’t get into those arguments here, because I no longer need to. I am now a full-throated advocate to letting children play on Halloween–or any day of the year.

My youngest son loves to dress up as a Ninja. We are not Japanese. I hope he wears his Ninja outfit to our church “fall festival” this year. No, we don’t do the dark scary stuff, or get into Samhain, blood rituals, or tricks. But I think it’s great for the kids to dress up.

I hope I see hundreds of little Moanas, Mexicans, cowboys, Indians (sorry, Native Americans in traditional garb), and any other costume that they fancy.

Progressives and SJWs have removed a great burden from me. They’ve taken a holiday I hated and so destroyed it that I can now enjoy it again. These are people who can suck the fun out of a roller coaster through 40 feet of garden hose. They are the same people who won’t allow you to enjoy a cup of coffee without guilting you about where the beans were grown.

They are the people who goad you about driving an electric car, after they’ve bought one that runs on coal–because coal is where they get the electricity to charge it. They are the ones who scream loudest about global warming while contributing to movie star funds and Al Gore, who fly in private jets to far-off conferences at 5-star hotels where the air-conditioning is comfortable and the carbon footprint is enormous.

These are the people who make lists of restaurants owned by white people that serve ethnic food (I kid you not), so that you can avoid eating there.

And now, they’re the people who tell others how their kids should and shouldn’t dress on Halloween so nobody is offended that people not just like them would dare to wear a costume based on their culture.

Hallelujah, the pressure is off me. I am no longer the prude in the room, since there are far more sphincter-pursed fun-haters present.

Because of these dour fun-hating little dung gremlins, I can enjoy my kids dressing up.

Oh…and P.S.: Don’t wear Fedoras.

Fedoras were originally women’s hats associated with women’s-rights activism. So these guys who wear them better take them off, those sexist pigs. They are also part of Orthodox Jews’ religious garb, so not only are Fedora-wearers sexist, but they’re also anti-Semitic racists.

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