Hollywood Dolt Johnny Depp Hails Slavery and Assassination

High school dropout Johnny Depp thought he was being funny, joking about “the last time an actor assassinated a president” at an event in Glastonbury, Somerset. Har har.

If he wasn’t a dolt, I bet he’d know why John Wilkes Booth killed President Lincoln. He’d probably know that Lincoln was a Republican, who was committed to keeping the Union whole, and at the same time, ending slavery.

He’d probably know that Lincoln went to great pains to keep foreign powers out of the war, giving them no legal reason to help the Confederate States of America as an independent country, because the United States of America never recognized it in any way. This included refusing all prisoner exchanges or other direct negotiations between the U.S. and Jeff Davis’ government.

But he’s a dolt, so he probably didn’t know.

If he wasn’t a dolt, he’d probably know that Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation relied on the law of the land and in the rebellious states that slaves were property–in other words, Lincoln preserved their legal status as slaves to free them by making them property of the U.S. Army. If the 13th Amendment had not passed, they would have likely returned to their masters as slaves. Lincoln did this to keep the Union whole.

Dolt, I mean Depp, might have known that Lincoln suspended the right of Habeas Corpus during the war, fought those who opposed conscription, and even suffered riots in Manhattan over the draft. He probably would have known that Lincoln’s assassin shouted “sic semper tyrannus” after shooting the president and leaping to the stage. He might know that Latin phrase means “thus always to tyrants,” if he weren’t a dolt.

But he’s a dolt, so he probably also didn’t know that John Wilkes Booth praised slavery and attended the hanging of John Brown after his rebellion at Harpers Ferry (which ironically U.S. Army Captain Robert E. Lee led the Marine contingent that recaptured the armory and arrested Brown). Booth’s statements were so inflammatory, calling the South’s secession “heroic,” that he was banned from performing in many northern cities.

But, of course, Depp is a dolt. So he ignorantly praised and hailed slavery and the man who murdered the first Republican president.

The Secret Service will likely pay Mr. Dolt Depp a visit, but I wouldn’t call what he said a credible threat. It’s not like Depp could go anywhere in the world without being recognized anyway. And there’s no way anything the weird actor could say should be taken seriously.

Advice to Depp: stick to acting and being an idiot. You do both well.

EDIT: The location of Glastonbury is in Somerset, not Scotland. Sorry to all those offended Scots.

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