By Jesse Kelly
Predictably, conservatives went nuttier than squirrel droppings. Apparently they think the complete liberal takeover of the media, Hollywood, academia, most branches of the bureaucracy, and corporate America is a bad thing. Why won’t you people just let leftist insanity invade every aspect of your life? Just focus on taxes or something.
Either way, I think this is a welcome change. For too long we’ve let men have their own thing. Sure, boys benefit greatly from being in large groups of other boys and getting real lessons taught to them from other men. But how important can that really be?
So we’re going to welcome in the ladies and prep some new merit badges (gossip, mascara, etc.) We’re even going to rewrite The Boy Scout Oath. It used to read:
On my honor, I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.
Obviously, that’s not gender neutral. I’ve made some edits:
On my honor, I will do my best unless I’m upset.
To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law unless I have to get dirty;
To help other people with their makeup at all times;
To keep myself physically attractive, mentally stable and my hair straight.
Welcome to the Scouts, ladies.