Colbert and Cortez Comedy Combo

Late night will never be the same.

Never let it be said that we don’t get results here at the Resurgent! After my blistering—yet uproariously hilarious—takedown of Stephen Coal-bert yesterday, the CBS Late Show host was shamed into issuing a correction for confusing National Review’s Jonah Goldberg with a Russian Trump bot. Of course, the original Mediaite story also might have had something to do with the sudden about-face. . .not to mention Kevin Williamson writing about it in that inimitable way of his. . .and even Jonah himself making some entertaining hash out of the whole bizarre incident...

Hell, did anybody even read my post?

On second thought, don’t answer that. Writer egos are fragile enough as it is, so I’m just going to take credit for this delicious slice of schadenfreude:

“On last night’s show, I described this guy right here, conservative columnist Jonah Goldberg, as one of Trump’s allies and added that he looked like a guy at a magic convention inviting you back to his hotel room,” Colbert began. “Goldberg got mad about one of those two things. Because he is not actually a Trump ally. He is, in fact, a very staunch Never Trumper. He’s been very public about it, and we here at The Late Show regret many things.

“And I want to extend a portion of that regret to Jonah Goldberg and Jonah Goldberg’s family because to many Americans, the label “Trump ally” is a hurtful slur,” Colbert joked. “I’m surprised CBS even allows me to say that on air. It’s the sort of divisive hate speech that we are trying to get rid of in our national discourse, like “Cuck” and ‘Papa John.’ So, Mr. Goldberg, please accept this bouquet of regrets, and I’ll see you at the magic convention.”

I can only imagine the whippings that Coal-bert must have administered to his writing staff before forcing them to crank out this bit of snark dressed up as an apology. But it is, at heart, an apology—and we should all appreciate that even a late night clown can be made to feel foolish, provided he screws the pooch badly enough. Mr. Coal-bert, I salute you!

Meanwhile, in the file of Things That Should Be Fodder For Late Night Comedy But Somehow Failed To Make The Cut, socialist superstar Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is at it again;

“They do not talk about the sticker shock of the cost of our existing [health care] system," Ocasio-Cortez said. "You know, in a Koch brothers-funded study, if any study is going to try to be a little bit slanted it would be one funded by the Koch Brothers. It shows that Medicare for All is actually much more— is actually much cheaper than the current system that we pay right now," Ocasio-Cortez continued.

"And we're also not talking about why aren't we incorporating the cost of all the funeral expenses of those who die because they can't afford access to health care," Ocasio-Cortez continued. "That is part of the cost of our system."

Honestly, this could have been a Monty Python sketch. All that’s missing is a dead parrot.

So funeral expenses now figure into the current cost of health care? That’s a hot one. I was always under the impression that people dying off early was a feature of socialized medicine, rather than a bug. In case Ms. Ocasio-Cortez was too busy endorsing failed candidates to notice, public health care systems like the NHS in Great Britain are very deliberate about forcing long wait times for patients who need treatment, because they know that a certain number of people are going to kick off while they’re waiting, thus saving the state the cost of treating them. It’s a way of managing scarcity—a cold-blooded one to be sure, but also quite effective. That’s because the pointy heads who run the system figure that funerals are usually a lot cheaper than medical bills—not that they pay for funerals in any case.

On the bright side, if this whole Congressional thing doesn’t work out, Ocasio-Cortez could always give Stephen Coal-bert a call. With her penchant for unintentional hilarity, she could really juice up the writers room on The Late Show.

Comments
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ekay
ekay

"It shows that Medicare for All is actually much more— is actually much cheaper than the current system that we pay right now."

The problem with our systsem "right now" is that we have a system that has a Middle Man that takes a huge chunk out of our medical care payments. Between doctors having to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for insurance against being sued, and all of the cost of having insurance that often includes mundane illnesses, small wonder that our health care costs have skyrocketed. Think of all of the paperwork and employeesnecessary to do the paperwork, CEO profits, investor profits that have to be paid. and the list can go on. Those dollars go directly to the insurance companies before the care providers get their share. Small wonder that our health care costs are high. And I didn't even mention the delay in medical tests that can take place because it has to be O.K.'d by the insurance company.

andereandre
andereandre

I really wanted to read your article but your Coal-bert joke was so smart and hilarious that I was rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. Didn't even know that you could do that. So I really hope that your piece didn't get funnier than that because that surely would be the end of Stephen "Coal-bert" (snicker, how do you even come up with these things. The say that conservative humor doesn't exist. Are they wrong, you are my hero!).