Fear not, vegans. Your dark night has finally come to an end as Google has eliminated the offensive hard-boiled egg from their salad emoji. Come into the light and begin texting it to all of your friends, for you no longer have to fear that pixelated animal product!
The Daily Meal has all the details, including an explanation from Google's head of emoji design, Jennifer Daniel.
There’s big talk about inclusion and diversity at Google,” tweeted Jennifer Daniel, head of design for Google emoji, “so if you need any evidence of Google is making this priority may I direct your attention to the [salad] emoji — we’ve removed the egg in Android P beta 2, making this a more inclusive vegan salad.”
As is the standard, users took to social media to mock and criticize the move, and rightly so. Daniel's tweet -- that removing the digital egg from the inedible digital salad -- is somehow evidence of Google's inclusive priorities is laughable (British egg producers even asked if Google was "cracking up"). But such is life in 2018, where even a picture on your phone can offend someone's sensibilities and gin up an outrage mob.
Don't believe me? Look beyond emojis and into the dietary habits of Jack, CEO of Twitter. Hardly a conservative, Jack had the temerity to eat at Chik-fil-A recently. Why is that a problem you ask? Well, it's June -- Pride Month -- and intrepid news anchor Soledad O'Brien was quick to remind Jack of his culinary ungoodthink:
And Jack was quick to confess his sin:
The "inclusive" emoji flap and Jack's "crime" of eating Chik-fil-A are both indicators of a deep cultural rot that has gone to the very core of American society: the politicization of every single aspect of one's life.
And it's not just salad emojis and chicken sandwiches. Last week, syndicated columnist and political pundit Charles Krauthammer revealed he has an aggressive form of cancer that will end his life in a matter of weeks. In his column published June 10 (after the news broke of his illness), Krauthammer writes:
In August of last year, I underwent surgery to remove a cancerous tumor in my abdomen. That operation was thought to have been a success, but it caused a cascade of secondary complications — which I have been fighting in hospital ever since. It was a long and hard fight with many setbacks, but I was steadily, if slowly, overcoming each obstacle along the way and gradually making my way back to health. However, recent tests have revealed that the cancer has returned. There was no sign of it as recently as a month ago, which means it is aggressive and spreading rapidly. My doctors tell me their best estimate is that I have only a few weeks left to live. This is the final verdict. My fight is over...I leave this life with no regrets. It was a wonderful life — full and complete with the great loves and great endeavors that make it worth living. I am sad to leave, but I leave with the knowledge that I lived the life that I intended.
Facing imminent death with the dignity that defined his life and career, Krauthammer was not spared from the cheers of his ideological opponents, some of whom gleefully celebrated this news. Oliver Willis, senior writer at ShareBlue, took to Twitter and wrote:
By all accounts, Charles Krauthammer was a civil and decent man. His only "crime" was holding conservative political opinions, thus rendering him "evil" and deserving of death. Is nothing sacred? Is there no misfortune so horrible that we cannot set politics aside for one moment to wish a man well as he sheds this mortal coil? Apparently not.
Comedian Michael Ian Black summed up life in 2018 accordingly:
Got that, pleebs? You cannot enjoy any aspect of life -- not one thing -- without filtering it through a political lens. And not just political lens, leftist-approved lenses.
And no, the right is not immune to such ideological tyranny, either. Tweet something critical of Trump and a swarm of his supporters may descend on you like locusts. Failure to filter your world through a MAGA-approved lens is also an unforgivable offense in some quarters, too.
We are -- in the freest country on the planet -- no longer allowed to find joy in things outside the realm and reach of Washington, DC or beyond the confines of the DNC or GOP. We are no longer allowed to tune out the endless prattle of the chattering classes because we may say, do, think or -- God forbid -- like and enjoy things that offend others. Except human nature is such that we tend to rebel when those who declare themselves our moral and intellectual superiors tell us how to run our lives. 2016 was proof of that, and may the majority of us -- the blessed, sane majority -- continue to live in such a way that we are not offended by things as trivial as emojis.