* Title: Ed Sheeran – Shape of You… Although my heart is falling too – I’m in love with your body… And last night you were in my room – And now my bedsheets smell like you… Every day discovering something brand new – I’m in love with the shape of you
Do you ever exclaim something about – well anything (but usually having to do with a mood or the place you are in life), thinking you’re free from it, then suddenly fall back into it?
I’d like to say that I’m out of the fog, metaphorically… but scared to say it too soon, worrying I’ll fall back into it. But last night as I had just finished my work and was shutting down all my open programs, I noticed my desktop wallpaper was set to a foggy tree photo (from one of my favorite fall outfit posts) and decided it was time to change it to a more cheerful and summery image.
At that moment I realized I was out of the foggy haze I had been so stuck in since around that time last year, and it made me smile. I wondered if it has more to do with it being summer vs winter, but more-so, I think it has to do with feeling like I’m in the clear finally with not only my divorce, but with everything that was seemingly hanging over my head from last year that followed me into this year.
It’s hard to see just how difficult a situation is when you’re in it, beyond the challenge of the moment. As much as I knew I was in a weird place, it’s sometimes only certain when you’re out of that weird place that you can look back and see the actual road you traveled, how far you’ve come, how you survived, and how you’ve finally started on a new path.
This is all to say that I finally feel like me again, in a new way, but focused and excited and ready to really face life head on again and enjoy all that life has to offer. Divorce is hard. Harder than I thought it would be really, not that I thought it would be easy, but it really takes on a new form, turns you into an insane person, and spits you out on the other side… and one day you wake up and everything is just as it should be and you finally feel normal again.
I’d hate to speak too soon, because each day has its ups and downs, not to mention weeks and months, but feeling trapped in a moment of time for a year is that stuck feeling we’re all running from. And I think… I THINK… that I have finally stopped running.