Being part of a blended family is great, you come together and most of the time it works out well. But what many people forget about when it comes to a blended family is the ex! If you are lucky, the ex and you will be civil, they will still be a positive influence on the kid's life and everything can move forward in a positive manner. But what about when the ex is not a positive part of your child’s life?
I love my son, my step kids and of course my partner. We are one very happy blended family. But I have not been so fortunate with my ex, constantly letting our son down, having no real impact on my son's life and I (like many of you reading this) am left to pick up the pieces and deal with the fallout. It is not easy, but I do have a few ways that may help you deal with this kind of thing.
Never Bad Mouth Them In Front Of The Kids
Oh, boy do I have many reasons to bad mouth my ex in front of the kids, but never in a million years would I do this. At the end of the day, they are still kids and you do not want to be seen putting down their mom or dad, even if they do deserve it. Your kids will see the truth when they grow up, but for now try to resist the temptation of talking bad about them, no matter what they have done.
Pick Up The Pieces
One of the worst things an ex can do and what mine did a lot was tell my son he would do something with him and then let him down at the last minute. Say he would get him a video game and never deliver and so on. Just say he would do things and then never follow through. This would make my son upset and then that would turn to anger! It was so hard to deal with, but you have to be strong, be there for them and let your kid see that you will never let them down like that. Again do not talk a load of trash about your ex (even if they deserve it) just tell your kid it will be ok and ask them what you can do to make it better.
Use Your Partner For Support
Ok so the word use might be a little off here, but what I mean is just talk to them. You can call your ex all the bad names under the sun to them! Having someone to vent to can do wonders, especially after you have had to console your child who is upset. Just make sure your partner realizes that you just want them there to sound off too, not to go round and talk to the ex on your behalf.
Your Kid Will Realize What Is Going On
Eventually, your child will see your ex for what they are, but at the same time, they are still their mom or dad so they are always going to love them and hope that they can change and actually be reliable. As I have said before, until that happens, they need you to be there and talk to them or even just listen when things go bad and they are upset. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for and when they are upset and mad at the ex, they may take it out on you, but do not think they do not realize that you are the one who is always there for them as they really do.